Lights Out
by MyimmortalHadenXCharm
Summary: "Beautiful... You're so beautiful..."


He grimaced and pressed his face into the pillow. He hated having sex during the day.

He growled, gritting his teeth. He hated himself for being self-conscious. Hozukimaru constantly berated him for it, as soon as the problem had arisen. Damn that bastard, it's not like he had the guts to make a pass at Fuji Kujaku, so why was he teasin' him so bad.

He felt like hiding, from his own sweetheart no less. He just wanted the darkness to come so he could feel free without his clothes. Dammit, he shouldn't care! But he did, he hated having Yumichika's beautiful eyes look upon him like this.

Sure, it wasn't like Yumichika couldn't see him in the dark too, or under the sheets, but somehow that was different. 'In the dark it doesn't matter how ugly you are'.

Yumichika had said that to him the day they met, at the brothel Yumichika worked at.

Ikkaku wasn't experienced. He'd never had sex with anyone besides Yumichika, so he'd never had to feel bad about his looks before. He'd always been too focused on surviving, then fighting, and then on following Kenpachi. Ikkaku Madarame was no pervert, in fact, he was usually the dolt who came and rescued an unfortunate girl from being assaulted. But he had never gone for anyone himself. He hadn't had the time or the interest to fish for women.

And somehow, he'd hooked the most beautiful man in the world on his line. How was that supposed to make him feel? Loud, obnoxious, sweaty, and bald.

I mean, sure, it's not like Yumichika hadn't seen him naked dozens of times before, they'd known each other hundreds of years. But somehow, now it felt different to Ikkaku, now that Yumichika was seeing him as a sweetheart, and not his best friend.

For so long, the two of them would only be able to copulate at night, under the cover of darkness, because they shared the lieutenant's quarters between them. Their only free time was after night fell, after their work was done. Their days-off were almost never on the same day, but they had accumulated quite a bit of vacation time, and Yumichika cashed it in without asking, and now he was stuck, unable to hide any longer.

"Ikkaku... Darling.."

He wouldn't let Yumichika pull the blankets off of him. "No, Stop it Yumi, I'm tired," He lied, keeping his face turned away from Yumichika so he wouldn't have to see the disappointment on his face, the disappointment that he knew would break him down. He never could deny Yumichika anything that he wanted.

Yumichika sat back for a moment, and Ikkaku knew he had hurt his feelings, and was bracing himself for a slap or yelling, but Yumichika suddenly rolled over and laid still, ignoring Ikkaku. Great, that was even worse than Yumichika being angry. Ikkaku gave a long-suffering sigh.

"Turn off the lights.."

Yumichika did not move.

"Please," Ikkaku said, embarrassed, shoving his face into the pillow. "I hate when you look at me," He admitted into the pillow.

Yumichika was quiet for a moment longer. "But I like to look at you.."

Ikkaku kept a death grip on the blankets as Yumichika turned around and reached out a smooth, perfect, soft, white arm and oooh...

"Stop!" Ikkaku squirmed away, and Yumichika stopped stroking his back and retreated to his side of the bed. "Don't touch me, Yumi, I wanna sleep-" He said harshly.

Yumichika sighed, got up, and walked to the bathroom. Ikkaku watched on jealously as Yumichika stood unabashed in front of the mirror, one long length of blemish-free skin. He grumbled incoherently, glaring at nothing in particular. Yumichika's eyes were wounded and sad as he dug through the bathroom cabinet.

Yumichika locked the bathroom door, and did not come out until past dinner time. Ikkaku listened to the clatter of Yumichika rummaging through the cabinets, and the sound of the tub being filled.

Ikkaku had waited and waited in their bed for him to come back, but he did not come out. Yumichika's side of the bed grew cold, and Ikkaku sighed, peeling back the blankets.

He looked down at his chest and grimaced. Bruises upon bruises, scars upon scars. The only smooth bit of skin was on his head. His legs were an amalgamation of healing cuts and brown and purple bruises. His scars were ugly, irregular and stood out brightly on his tan skin.

He had never had a problem with himself until he had first kissed Yumichika's cheek all those years ago. He had never had a problem until he had someone else to keep happy. Someone to be sweet to, and someone to hold. Yumichika, who held aesthetics in such high regard, was his lover. How could he compete with somebody like Hisagi, who had lately been making advances on Yumi?

He'd break his fuckin' arms, that's how.

He slowly got up from the bed, and started walking towards the bathroom, but turned back and pulled on his hakama resentfully. He went to the bathroom door, and knelt down, peering through the keyhole. Yumichika often went into the bathroom to sulk, or just for free time. He'd take paperwork and books in there, and stay in there for hours. Ikkaku squinted one eye to see better.

Yumichika lay in the bathtub, face turned towards the wall, quiet and still.

Ikkaku stood up, heart pounding, and shook the door handle, wondering how easy it would be to snap open the door. A loud splash was heard and Ikkaku jolted. "Yumichika? You okay in there?"

"Yes." Came the short reply.

"Can ya' let me in... Please."

"Are you sure you can handle the hideous sight of me?"

"Yumi... C'mon..."

Yumichika opened the door, holding a towel around himself modestly. He was covered from his shoulders all the way down to the knees. He moved away from Ikkaku and held the towel in place under his arms, not bothering to straighten his hair after ruffling it dry. He stuck up his nose, not looking at Ikkaku.

"We're on vacation, Ikkaku, what is wrong with you?" Although the just held each other in bed more often than not, Yumichika had quite the sexual appetite when he got in the mood.

Ikkaku stayed quiet.

"You wanted me to touch you last night. What's wrong, am I ugly this morning?" He scowled, looking extremely upset, and under it all, sad.

Ikkaku approached slowly. "Yumi, You're gorgeous.. You're so beautiful..." Ikkaku held out a hesitant hand and trailed his fingers over Yumichika's arm. "Perfect.." He dropped his hand.

"Oh." Yumichika's scowl vanished, and he sounded a bit relieved. He released his death grip on the towel and rubbed the rest of the water from his legs, before folding it and placing it on their dresser.

"Then get in bed," Yumichika purred, self-confidence flooding back. He straightened his hair and jumped onto the bed, posing himself on his side.

'Hhhhooooo...' Ikkaku whacked himself upside the head inwardly, 'Shut up, ya' pervert.'

"Yumi... Please can the lights be off?" He said ashamedly as he climbed back into bed, and slipped his hakama back off. He grew distracted as he felt his way up the smooth plane of Yumichika's back and down his side. He ran a finger all the way down Yumichika's leg, and the smaller man purred under his touch, but didn't move. Ikkaku kissed his way back up Yumichika's side. Ankle, up his leg, up his side, shoulder, cheek. A perfect stretch of soft skin.

"Heh, sorry, babe. You're just really soft."

Yumichika kissed the top of his head, pulling him onto the bed farther.

"Hey, please can the lights be off?"

Yumichika ignored him and pushed him onto his back, and covered him with a blanket to appease him. "What are you worried about? Are you worried Renji's gonna bust in here again and see us?"

"No, I'm worried _you're_ gonna see me!" He blurted out. He put his face in his hands, groaning. Yumichika faltered for a moment. He had known that Ikkaku wasn't as confident in bed as he tried to be, but this..

"Oh darling... Whenever I say nice things to you, you shake me off, so I stopped." Yumichika said, shaking his head woefully. "I never knew you needed me to compliment you and your abounding masculinity.."

Ikkaku grumbled, "Stop tryin' ta make me feel better, ya' said ya' don't take pity on ugly idiots."

"Of course I don't... Perhaps I've never told you this, darling, but," He took Ikkaku's hands away from is face, and looked him in the eye, "You are so beautiful.."

He smiled a little, "In fact I grow jealous often that you will be stolen away from me,"

He ran his hands down Ikkaku's chest, pushing the blanket down. "You're beautiful... Just beautiful."

Ikkaku was pushed onto his back, and Yumichika kissed his scarred and bruised chest, massaging his shoulders and upper arms with his soft hands. Ikkaku moaned.

"Don't break my heart, darling... You're the only one I love.." Yumichika kissed his neck, and his ear, and then his cheek.

"Did you never wonder, with all that talk about beauty, why I would let your hands touch me if I thought they were ugly?... Actually your hands are my favorite part... They've snapped more necks and had more blood under their nails than nearly anyone I know, but still they hold me so gently.. That's what makes them beautiful."

Yumichika ran his hands up Ikkaku's chest, "You love me so well.. You're what makes me feel beautiful.."

Yumichika kissed Ikkaku on the mouth, gently, as he leaned over him, "I love you just how you are, Ikkaku."

"Okay..." Ikkaku panted, "Leave on the lights," He said tentatively.

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Accompanying artwork under the name 'You're Beautiful' On Deviant art.


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